My delicate emotional state

Prayer

Yes, I admit to feeling a bit delicate this morning. A bit emotionally spent.

It’s just an introvert thing, and there are a few of you out there who will think I’m being ridiculous, and maybe I am. But in my devotion this morning I was given a new tool to use when I find myself to be completely empty and I thought I’d share it with you too.

Maybe you want to know why I feel empty?

Well, I went to a great birthday party on Saturday night and caught up with some awesome people. Really good conversations. Absolutely delicious wood-fired pizza. Did you know that you can make rhubarb and custard wood-fired dessert pizza? How about apricot crumble pizza? You can, they’re delicious.

Then I led church on Sunday, was the MC if you like, up the front. It was a really brilliant service and I love leading. I enjoyed myself, had fun, and then there were deep times, and heart wrenching prayers for rain so that we can get through this fire season.

Then we had a couple of friends for lunch. It was so good to have that deep conversation. To share from the heart. And to see friends that I hadn’t seen in months. And my 6-year-old friend drew me a picture with a note that said ‘Thanks Roof for leting us staing your house’ and that was just precious.

And after that I needed time alone so I decide to go for a walk on the beach. But it was full of people. Lots of people on my beach! Of course, it was a 30 degree day and school goes back today so people were to be expected. And as much as I like to think it, I really don’t own any shares in Kingston Beach.

Still, it was delicious to hear the waves and to just walk along and …

I tried to think, I tried to pray, I even tried to listen to a podcast. But by that stage I was done. Really finished. I had nothing left inside. I was not sad, not angry, not upset in any way, not even down. I really want to make it clear that I enjoyed all the things I did on the weekend, I’m grateful for them. I wouldn’t want to change a single thing. It just meant that I used up every last bit in my tank. I was just tired. Just empty. And I didn’t know what to do. I never know what to do in those times. I usually just hang on until the evening when I can sleep and reset.

Last year a friend lent me a devotion book called Coffee with God by Sarah Arthur. This morning’s devotion reminded me of a tool that I can maybe use to get through times like that.

Sarah and I share a favourite author, Elizabeth Goudge, and in one of her books she spells out a simple three-fold prayer:

Lord have mercy.

Thee I adore.

Into Thy hands.

It’s a prayer that I knew, but that I had forgotten about. But I found that it said everything that I wanted to say. It’s a simple meditation that I hope I’ll remember to use next time that I run out of my own words, next time I run out of energy.

I hope it can be useful to you too.

Are you missing some of my blog posts? They come out every Monday. Sign up to follow the A Quiet Life blog on WordPress, or you can sign up to my newsletter on www.ruthamos.com.au  and you will receive every post straight to your email inbox. You will also find my podcast, my book ‘My Year of Saying No’, and any short stories or other books will be up there as they come along.

If you would like to support this blog and the podcast then you can head over to Patreon.com/quietlife and help me out for as little as a dollar a month. Thank you so much!

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A burning state

smoky sunset
The sunset from our house the other night. No filter at all. Just a pink, smoky sky.

I have things to say. I have a blog post that’s been percolating in my brain for the whole weekend. But it all feels a bit ridiculous to pontificate about my delicate emotional state when I know that there are bushfires burning all over the state, houses and properties at risk, and people evacuating left, right, and centre.

It has been a dry summer here. The days have been gorgeous. For the most part we have had weather that is just right – not too hot, not too cold. And I’ve enjoyed it so much. I’ve gone for swims (yes, multiple swims) even though the water is still reasonably cool. I’ve worn shorts and T-shirts and sandals and sat out on the balcony with cool drinks and really done the summer thing.

It’s been beautiful.

But the weeks have gone on and we’ve had no rain to speak of, and the fire that started in the wilderness has not stopped burning despite the best efforts of our fire fighters.

And then we had that thunderstorm. The amazing lightning that just kept going and going. Again, no rain, just lightning and thunder. It was incredible to watch. I hadn’t seen anything like it here in Tasmania before. It was like our own fireworks show. The beauty of nature.

But the beauty came at a cost. Dry lightning plus dry bushland equals fire. And we have a lot of it now.

The fire front is now over 1000 km. The fire fighters are fighting 72 fires. The smoke swirls around our house, then the wind changes and the skies clear up, but the fires are still there.

The fire fighters are doing an incredible job. There has been no loss of life so far, and only one property has been burned, to the best of my knowledge. Our house is very unlikely to be affected, though others have been evacuated at different times.

I usually tell visitors to this state that summer doesn’t really start here until February, when the kids go back to school. So there’s a long way to go before we’ll get milder weather to help get the fires under control.

I am praying for the fire fighters, praying for unseasonal rain to come on our land, praying for those evacuating and those with properties at risk. It’s so real, it’s so close.

One of the things about the internet is that we are always aware of these real tragedies happening. I mean, there are fires here, yes, but there’s also that dam that burst in Brazil, and the fuel line that exploded in Mexico, and on, and on. There are tragedies everywhere, all over the world.

Does this mean that we don’t explore the more nebulous things? That we stop thinking about reaching our dreams and just live in a constant state of grief over the state of the world?

I think this is another one of those things where there has to be balance. Or rather, not balance, but rhythm. Some days it is good to concentrate on our families, our dreams, our work, the things that bring us joy. Some days we need to spend in grief, in prayer, and in sacrifice to help out those who are suffering. It’s another seesaw. Up and down. We need both.

And for me today, the seesaw is coming down on the side of concern and prayer for those who are involved in this bushfire. Next week you might get the post about the perils of success that is wandering around the back of my brain right now.

Stay safe everyone, wherever you are, and especially if you are anywhere near the fires.

Are you missing some of my blog posts? They come out every Monday. Sign up to follow the A Quiet Life blog on WordPress, or you can sign up to my newsletter on www.ruthamos.com.au  and you will receive every post straight to your email inbox. You will also find my podcast, my book ‘My Year of Saying No’, and any short stories or other books will be up there as they come along.

If you would like to support this blog and the podcast then you can head over to Patreon.com/quietlife and help me out for as little as a dollar a month. Thank you so much!

It’s the little things.

This Wednesday Moz and I celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We were both 19 years old when we married, high school sweethearts.

Now I know that not all marriages that start out that young can hold together. It’s quite a difficult thing. I wouldn’t say that we knew who we were when we got married. I have learned quite a bit about myself since then. And we have learned a lot of lessons together.

I thought I’d tell you one lesson we learned early on. I don’t think it applies just to marriage either, so I’ll tell you how I think it applies to the rest of life.

It’s a bit of a tongue-in-cheek lesson. Not to be taken too seriously. But at the same time, there’s a little bit of truth in it.

So, are you ready? Here it is:

Everything is worth one point.

It mostly applies to what Moz does for me, rather than the other way around. Here’s how it works:

If Moz buys me flowers, that’s one point.

If he does the washing up – one point.

If he buys me a new car – one point.

If he books us on a cruise – zero points, he should know by now that that’s not the holiday I would choose. (I just put that one in to throw you off.)

Chocolate – one point.

And so on.

The size or value of the gift doesn’t matter, I just need a steady stream of little things to feel loved.

If Moz chose not to show me his love in little ways, but instead bought something big like a house or car and then thought his job was done, the marriage wouldn’t last very long. It’s the little things that really matter.

Sometimes we think that we need to do something really big to make our lives matter. We need to start a non-profit organisation, do some research that once-and-for-all-time cures cancer, write a best-selling and life-changing book, win the gold medal at the olympic games. We think that if we don’t manage something big like that, that we are not worth very much.

I wonder whether life works more like our one-point rule. It’s the little things, the constant little choices that we make that add up to who we are, that give our lives value.

It’s the smiling at the check-out-chick, even if she’s super slow and packs our eggs on the bottom. It’s the choosing to put our rubbish in the bin. It’s remembering birthdays and sending a little card. It’s holding back on our hurtful comments even though someone in the internet is wrong.

The Good Book puts it like this:

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere.

(1 Corinthians 13 The Message)

I hope that Moz and I remember to show love in the little ways this year. And I hope you do too.

The best way to pray

Stockings

What type of prayer is best?

There are so many possibilities. I’ve been in a couple of situations lately where one type of prayer has been insulted and another given as the ‘right kind’ so I thought I’d share my thoughts about prayer with you.

Christianity is a relationship with God the Father, through Christ the Son, by the power of the Holy Spirit. We are children of the Father, brothers and sisters of Christ. And when we think about prayer, these titles are important.

Because what is prayer? It’s a conversation. It’s a way that we build relationship with God. It’s a two-way thing. Time spent.

When my children were babies I had an epiphany. You see, I would often pray as I fell asleep at night and I would feel guilty for falling asleep in the middle of conversation with God. But then, have you ever had a baby fall asleep while you were holding them? It is the best feeling. If you could bottle it, you could make millions. I realised that God the Father doesn’t mind if we are relaxed enough to fall asleep while talking to him. We are his children and he loves us more than I loved my little babies. My love for my children was just a poor reflection of his love for us.

So those prayers you pray when you don’t have the words, when you sigh and groan, or cry, or just smile and then fall asleep, those are good prayers. In fact, the scripture says that the Spirit prays for us when we don’t know what to pray for (Romans 8:26). So this is a good biblical way to pray.

How about the stream of consciousness prayers? You know, you’re walking along the street and you start lifting all of your day to Jesus. ‘Oh Jesus, I’m not sure how I’m going to get through the list of things today. Thank you for the sunshine. Annabelle really needs your help right now. Man, my legs are hurting from climbing this hill. Thank you for the exercise…’ and so on.

I was praying that way one day and I found myself saying, ‘I’m sorry Jesus, you probably don’t need to be bothered by my petty problems.’ And immediately the verse popped into my mind, ‘in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.’ (Phil 4:6) You see God wants us to be in constant contact with him through the days. Jesus loves to hear our every thought. Again, it’s a bit like having a toddler around. They just chat. When they’re really small they often chat in a language that you can’t understand. Is that a problem? No. We love their conversation, we love that our children want to be with us and communicating. It’s great. It’s biblical. It’s a good way to pray.

So how about those prayers you pray in public? Like when there’s an end of year function and you’ve been asked to pray on stage. So you carefully write down all you want to say in the prayer. You might even prayerfully write down what you want to pray. You are praying on behalf of others, after all, and you want the prayer to be right. Is this prayer as worthy as the prayer that spontaneously arises from the thanksgiving in your heart? Yes I think it is.

Again, if you think of children it becomes clear. Maybe they’ve written a poem, or rehearsed a piece, and they want to show it to you. At a school camp recently the grade 9 class sat around the campfire and made up a song of thanksgiving to their head of year teacher. Do you think he said, ‘Look thanks guys, but I’d feel like we had a stronger relationship if you just said the words off-the-cuff instead.’ No he didn’t. He loved it. He was raving about it days later. I think it will be a memory that stays in his heart for the rest of his life.

So yes, I believe God loves our prepared prayers. He loves the effort we put in to make it great both for him and for his children who are listening.

And then there are the prayers that are hundreds of years old.

I usually attend an Anglican church. In our service we sometimes pray prayers that come from the liturgy. The language has been changed a little to make them more accessible but the words have been said by millions of people over hundreds of years. ‘Almighty God, to whom all hearts are open’ ‘Father, we offer ourselves to you as a living sacrifice’ ‘Eternal God and Father by whose power we are created and by whose love we are redeemed’ and so on.

It’s true that we can put our minds into a holding pattern and just say the prayers on automatic but it doesn’t have to be that way. Sometimes the prayers written by others are a gateway into meditation. Sometimes the words are just the thing to jolt you out of yourself, to make you think on your life in a new way. Sometimes they are a reminder of just who God is. I think that God loves to hear us pray these kinds of prayers too.

It’s not just the church prayers. These prayers can be found in all kinds of prayer and devotion books. The Spirit prays for us when we don’t know what to pray, but I believe also that the Spirit has inspired some of these written prayers so that we can use the words of others when we don’t have words for ourselves. And after all, Jesus himself taught us to pray ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name’ (Matt 6:9, Luke 11:2). No, I believe that these prayers are also loved by God.

And then let’s go back to silence. To just sitting in God’s presence with no words at all. To listening to him and giving him space to speak to us if he wants to.  It’s a special kind of relationship that doesn’t need any words. Comfortable silence. What a joy to meet with God that way.

I don’t have room to write about the shouting prayers, the ‘why?’ prayers, the real connection with God in the ugly parts of life. I’m sure that he can cope with that too, he’s big enough to deal with our anger and sadness.

So however you pray, whatever words you use or don’t use, whether you are shut away in your prayer closet or on display for the whole church to see, I believe that God loves it all. There is no ‘one right way to pray’. As long as your heart is for connection with him, that’s all that matters.

I pray for you that you will connect with God in a special way this Christmas. That somewhere, whether it be saying grace for your Christmas dinner, or over a candle at the midnight service, or surrounded by screwed up wrapping paper in your lounge room, you will make a space to build relationship with the God of the universe who humbled himself as a baby and came to earth for us all those years ago.

Have a wonderful and very blessed Christmas. If you want to see more from me you can head to http://www.ruthamos.com.au and you can sign up there to receive this blog weekly. I look forward to sharing more with you in the new year.

A good and Godly man

Johns 70th BDay 2018 60 copy

My Dad is pretty wise. One of the things he’s wise about is this thing of saying nice things about people. Before they die.

We often wait until after people pass away to say what we think about them. We stand up at the funeral and we say how great the person was, and what a huge impact they had on our lives. And that’s great, a good way to remember them.

But what if we said these lovely things to them? Before they died. So that they could be encouraged too.

This Saturday we had the chance to do that for my Dad. It was his 70th birthday party so we all got together and said nice things about him, and I want to share my nice things with you.

My Dad has shown me what a real man, a good man, a Godly man is.

I’ve been thinking back through my memories.

I think my earliest is Dad cooking dinner for my brother Anthony and myself while Mum was in hospital with my younger sister. Scrambled eggs on toast with tomato sauce has a special place in my memory, as does sausages and toast. (His cooking skills have improved over time and I’d like to say that his roast dinner with apple pie for dessert was a highlight when my sister Catherine was visiting this year.)

I remember driving with Dad and listening to *gasp* rock music on 7HO FM, or more commonly AM or PM the ABC talk radio shows.

I remember making bricks out of wet newspaper in a special brick making machine. They were dried afterwards in the sun and were burned in our wood heater.

I remember going on a family biking holiday around Brunie Island and how Dad convinced Catherine that there was a bunyip in the dam over the fence. And another trip to Brunie where we fished off the pier and caught a squid.

I remember the laundry being turned into a photography dark room, black plastic on the windows, the smell of the photography chemicals, the wonder that was the enlarging machine.

I remember microphones being set up all around our lounge room as Dad prepared to record Mum’s music. And I remember being soundly told off for eating popping candy at a concert that Dad was recording. (Sorry Dad).

One of my greatest childhood memories is Dad reading to us. All kinds of books. He read the whole of The Lord of the Rings to us as a family. I tried that with my kids, it didn’t work, there was no chance they’d sit through it. But for me, Dad reading to our family, all of us sat up in their double bed, or maybe around a picnic in the park, these are some of my fondest memories.

Dad’s career path wasn’t straightforward. But when people tell me that I am so brave to quit uni and try something new, I know I’m just doing what was modelled for me by this brave man who quit his job as a telecom technician to work with addicts, then moved on to be the administrator of a children’s home, then joined Youth With A Mission, worked in a radio station, moved to the USA with Christian Performing Arts Fellowship, and came home to get ordained and work as a minister in a church. Sometimes the reason for the change was because Dad needed something new, sometimes it was to give Mum the chance to live her dreams. Each of them in the partnership was valued equally, each putting the others interests before their own. Dad and Mum have modelled a Godly marriage.

Recently Dad has battled with physical injuries from his fall when he was renovating, and with mental illness – years of deep depression. He is uncomplaining, he perseveres, he gets up every morning and gets on with it. And at the same time he is vulnerable, letting people in, telling them where he is at. Dad has shown me that you can be vulnerable and strong at the same time.

Dad’s love and care for those around him has sometimes been a detriment to his own health or energy but he doesn’t stop putting others first. He is a true servant leader. He has great skill in taking a mess of an organisation and sorting it out, looking after people first along the way. He is a diplomat and a pastor.

I am so very proud of my father. And so very grateful to God for putting me in this wonderful family. I hope that I can live up to his example, in my own way.

Thanks Dad for being you.

I hope you don’t mind this very personal blog post. Next week’s will be personal too 🙂 

Are you missing some of my blog posts? They come out every Monday. Sign up to follow the A Quiet Life blog on WordPress, or you can sign up to my newsletter on www.ruthamos.com.au  and you will receive every post straight to your email inbox. You will also find my podcast, my book ‘My Year of Saying No’, and any short stories or other books will be up there as they come along.

If you would like to support this blog and the podcast then you can head over to Patreon.com/quietlife and help me out for as little as a dollar a month. Thank you so much!

What’s your sincere desire?

Advent 1

Happy New Year! No, I’m not losing track, not that badly anyway. It’s Advent. The start of the new year in the church calendar. The preparation period. Active waiting. All that stuff.

And just by coincidence I have been thinking New Years thoughts. And I thought you might like to hear them, because if you think them too, you might be prepared to make New Years resolutions, or intentions, or ‘word for the year’, or whatever you do to mark that arbitrary date of January 1 in the calendar when it rolls around.

You, and I, might be prepared to start 2019 in an intentional fashion, knowing what direction we would like to push out our boat.

My mother recently gave me a book to read on prayer. It’s called I Will Lift Up Mine Eyes by Glenn Clark. It was first published in 1953, though Mum’s edition was published in 1978. And would you believe, a quick search has found it on Amazon? I’m pretty blown away by that. So you can buy it and read it too if you wish.

I’m only a quarter of the way through the book so far, it’s one of those that you read slowly, and at this point Clark is talking about something he calls ‘your soul’s sincere desire’. He says that God wants us to pray for our sincere desire. And that he will answer our prayer.

But this is where it gets interesting whether you are a praying person or not, because how do you know what you really want? Deep down, what you want in the depths of your soul. Not what you want to keep up with the Joneses, not what you want because someone else thinks it’s good for you, not what you want because you’ve been going that way all your life and to stop now is unthinkable because of all the time spent building up to this one thing.

What do you really want?

Clark suggests writing a list, brainstorming, writing out everything you want. People, things, activities, jobs, everything. Just write it all out. And be specific.

Take time to write the list. I took two or three days.

And then test everything on the list.

The first test is: Are the things on your list true to your nature?

‘A robin could not possibly desire to swim, and a herring could not possibly desire to fly.’ he says. But we, us humans, we can think we desire something that we actually don’t want. Check with yourself. Will you be happy doing or having the things on your list? Is that thing truly right for your nature?

Here’s an example. I spent a lot of my life wanting big parties for my birthday. Then when the birthday came around I wanted to run away and hide. A big party is not something true to my introverted nature. It is not a sincere desire of my soul. Now I realise that what I really want for my birthday is a birthday card from as many people as possible (a Facebook wish works just as well) and maybe a few good friends over for a piece of cake and a glass of something. That is a sincere desire.

At the same time Clark says that it is good to ask for things that are true to your nature. He says that ‘the apple tree that refuses to bear apples because the poor elm tree cannot have them, is not helping others, but obviously robbing mankind.’

I have truly desired to write books. If I stopped myself from writing because other people do not have the time and space that I’ve been granted at this moment, then I really would be doing a disservice to others. It is good to fulfil your soul’s sincere desire.

So look at your list and cross off things that aren’t true to your nature. I took a day or two to do this too.

Next test: Are these things just? Will you be ripping someone else off if you get what you desire? Are you asking for that job, or house, or whatever, just because you selfishly want it? Or will you use it to help others?

Next test: Are you willing to work towards these things? I love this one.

He says let’s say your desire is a trip abroad. Have you prepared for that? Have you studied the country, its history, its culture, its language, its famous sights? If you haven’t then even if you got given the chance to travel, you wouldn’t get much out of the trip. You need to put the work in first.

Or if you want to be a famous speaker, have you practiced? Studied?

If you want to be thin and fit, have you exercised? Looked at your diet? Or are you just praying in the hope that thin and fit will magically happen?

If you are praying for new friends are you willing to be friendly to others?

Are you willing to work towards the thing you desire? It’s an interesting thought.

That’s as far as I’ve got in the book. I might share more thoughts as I keep working through it. I am spending a fair bit of time at the moment looking at my businesses and thinking about where I want to take them in the new year. I’m thinking about what success looks like for each of the businesses, what I’m heading towards. I’m finding these thoughts, these tests, very useful as I contemplate the businesses. Is this honestly what I want? Or am I building an idea on what someone else found was good for them?

I hope that by January I will have found my soul’s sincere desires and will be willing to work towards them in a way that is congruent with who I am, and that will bless the most people possible.

Oh, and I want to finish with a word of non-condemnation. I am not judging anyone here. I know that circumstances out of our control – chronic illness, poor mental health, difficult financial or family issues – can take our dreams and make them seem completely unachievable. I’m not trying to tell you to work harder or just figure it out correctly and that if you do you’ll be sitting on a bed of roses by the end of next year.

I guess all I’m saying is that I’m finding it helpful to have a bit of structure around figuring out where I want to go, and by the end of the process I hope I have a prize to keep my eyes on while I navigate the difficulties that 2019 throws at me.

I hope that these thoughts are helpful for you too.

As we look towards the new year you might find that a little book I wrote called ‘My Year of Saying No‘ might also be helpful to you or maybe to someone you know. It might make a good Christmas present for someone who needs some peace and space in their lives. Just a thought 🙂

As always you can sign up to follow the A Quiet Life blog on WordPress, or you can sign up to my newsletter on www.ruthamos.com.au  and you will receive every post straight to your email inbox. And you can help me with the expenses of this blog and my podcast by heading over to Patreon.com/quietlife and supporting me there. Thanks!

Endings and New Beginnings

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The new bass. I have no idea what I’m doing 🙂

Moz has been working on a very exciting project lately.

He has been making a bass guitar.

This guitar is a thing of beauty.  It is made to match my little green mini and it even has racing stripes.

But the bass didn’t start out that beautiful.

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The kit form guitar.

It came in a kit. It needed to be shaped and sanded. The sanding process seemed endless but all of the imperfections had to be removed before one coat of paint was added.

We had to try various colours of green to find the one we liked the best. Then each coat had to dry for a bit, before more sanding and another coat. And then more sanding and a clear coat. And then the polishing process started to bring up that beautiful shine.

The racing stripes had to be designed, the laminate chosen, and the Moz logo developed and added. The neck was oiled to bring out the beauty in the wood, filling the house with all sorts of strange odours.

And after all that, that’s when things started to get technical!

The neck had to be at the right angle. The frets ground down to be the right height, the little black bit at the top of the fret board had to be filed half a millimetre or so, so that the strings rested in just the right way to make it easy to play. Everything had to be the right height and strength and tension.

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The paint is finished and the strings are on, but we’re not finished yet!

But that wasn’t enough. The electronics needed to be completed too. Copper shielding was placed in the hole on the side. Wires were soldered. Sound was checked.

Finally the bass was declared finished. A thing of beauty. And of fun. And something that we’re all going to enjoy playing and messing around on over the next months and years.

In one way, this project is over, and there’s a little sadness there. It’s been a fun project for Moz to play with and he’ll need to find another one now.

But in another way, the project is just beginning.

Moz has been working on another project too.

For the last six years he has been Head of Year to a year group at the school where he works. The kids started out as little grade sevens, and now they have finished grade twelve. They are adults. They have their leavers dinner tonight.

It’s another bitter-sweet moment, an ending and a beginning. I pray that their lives are instruments that bring great joy to others, and to God, in the music that they play wherever they find their lives heading.

Are you missing some of my blog posts? They come out every Monday. Sign up to follow the A Quiet Life blog on WordPress, or you can sign up to my newsletter on www.ruthamos.com.au  and you will receive every post straight to your email inbox. You will also find my podcast, my book ‘My Year of Saying No’, and any short stories or other books will be up there as they come along.

If you would like to support this blog and the podcast then you can head over to Patreon.com/quietlife and help me out for as little as a dollar a month. Thank you so much!

Are you a guest?

I am writing this on Friday afternoon because Monday is going to be my Sabbath. Why Monday? I hear you ask. I’m glad you asked that!

The weekend is full. 

We have guests staying. Our guests are part of the band for the wedding we are attending on Saturday afternoon and evening.

Saturday morning my friend is launching a book.

Sunday I am leading at church.

And that is enough peopling for me. Monday will need to be a rest day.

But it’s got me thinking about community.

Because as much as I am an introvert, I am also a fully paid up member of the ideology that community is important. Very important. Even for us introverts.

We all know that loneliness is the new smoking. That we need to find a community to be involved in for our own physical and mental health.

But community isn’t always a lovely, joyous, barrel of gooey good feelings and warm fuzzies. True community is sticking together through good and bad. Hanging out with the beautiful shiny people, and the successful. And looking after our elderly, our young mums with screaming babies, our loud teenagers, and our disabled.

It’s the sharing of the dinner and the washing up.

It’s dancing at the wedding reception, and helping to pack all the tables and chairs away afterwards so that the church service can be held the next day.

It’s the coffee together at the beach, and the going to visit in the nursing home.

If you truly want to feel part of a community, you’re going to have to do some uncomfortable things. If you’re not doing the uncomfortable things, then you may just be a guest.

Now I’m not saying you have to do all the uncomfortable things. And beware that you’re not becoming a martyr, because no one wants that. But I think to truly experience community you need to be prepared to serve the community, whether that community is church or Rotary or an online club that you’re a part of. 

I hope you can find a community you can serve, stick with, and love through the good and the bad. A place that you belong.

Are you missing some of my blog posts? They come out every Monday. Sign up to follow the A Quiet Life blog on WordPress, or you can sign up to my newsletter on www.ruthamos.com.au  and you will receive every post straight to your email inbox. You will also find my podcast, my book ‘My Year of Saying No’, and any short stories or other books will be up there as they come along.

If you would like to support this blog and the podcast then you can head over to Patreon.com/quietlife and help me out for as little as a dollar a month. Thank you so much!

And speaking of book launches, the next book in the Deadly Miss series by yours truly (aka RJ Amos) will be launching on Friday, this Friday the 23rd November. It’s called Deadly Misdirection and I think it’s pretty good. You will find e-books on Amazon, Apple Books, and Kobo, and the paperback should be up on Amazon shortly too. I’d love you to pick up a copy, or three, and give one to someone for Christmas. 🙂 

What is the pace of your life?

This morning, I confess, I’m feeling a little ‘meh’. Please don’t worry about me or feel sorry for me, I’m sure it will pass, and I don’t think we can all feel on top of our game all the time.

But the day is beautiful today, the weather is gorgeous, so I decided to go for a little walk before I wrote this blog, before I started my work. I headed to the beach and walked along the sand, and listened to the waves.

I’d love to tell you that I had an amazing revelation while I was there. That the earth shook or that I started to sing for joy, or that I saw a pod of dolphins, or even a whale. But none of that happened. I just walked on the sand and listened to the waves and felt the sun on my back (and in my eyes walking the other way of course), and it was good.

I smiled at people walking the other way. They smiled back at me. I had a lovely short catch up with some good friends who were enjoying a coffee to start their morning.

Then after half an hour I headed back home, back to the washing and the cleaning, the writing and the marketing.

The thing I am so very grateful for this morning is that my life is now being lived at a walking pace. I am no longer running from appointment to appointment. I am not living at a sprint. I have the space to take the opportunity that the perfect weather afforded and to have a morning walk on the beach. I’m grateful that I don’t need to wait for this kind of weather to occur on the weekend – that’s a bit chancy in Tasmania.

I know I am supremely privileged and blessed. But today I don’t want to feel guilty about that. Today I just want to feel grateful for a bit more space in my life and for the chance to walk.

And I encourage you, if you’re able, to remove just a few things from your schedule this week to allow your life to slow to a walking pace too.

Are you missing some of my blog posts? They come out every Monday. Sign up to follow the A Quiet Life blog on WordPress, or you can sign up to my newsletter on www.ruthamos.com.au  and you will receive every post straight to your email inbox. You will also find my podcast, my book ‘My Year of Saying No’, and any short stories or other books will be up there as they come along.

If you would like to support this blog and the podcast then you can head over to Patreon.com/quietlife and help me out for as little as a dollar a month. Thank you so much!

And a Gold Star to You!

On Thursday night and Friday of last week I attended something called the Global Leadership Summit. It was a great time of hearing teaching from excellent speakers, my favourites being Carla Harris and David Livermore (I’m sure you can find them on YouTube). Each of the speakers spoke from their wheelhouse, the things they were interested in, the things they are passionate about. Most of it was amazing and I’ve been left with many things to chew over and apply to my life.

But there was one thing that got my goat, that went against what I believe in, and because that thing is my thing, I’m going to talk with you about it here.

One of the speakers was a pastor of a church with a large congregation that meets in many different places at the same time. It’s a church that uses technology well. Again, I want to say that I agreed with much of what this guy said, I loved a lot of what he said, but he told one story that made me worried for him and for the workers at his church.

He told us that Friday was his day off, but that often he would find himself heading to the office for some reason at around 430 or 5pm on a Friday. Now, as soon as he said that, alarms started going off for me.

I much prefer Eugene Peterson’s approach. Peterson set aside Monday as his day off, his sabbath. He wrote a letter to his congregation informing them of this and asking them to respect that day off. He stated that if there was a crisis then they could contact him, but for anything short of imminent death could they please wait until Tuesday? He would send that letter out annually just to remind his congregation of the importance of a day of rest.

Pastors have one of the most emotionally draining jobs on the planet. People can feel like the pastor is their property and should be available at all times. But no one can live that way, and even God took a day off after creation. So if a pastor feels that he has to ‘drift back’ to the office on his day off as a regular thing, I think there is something wrong.

Now, the other part of setting up this story is that the pastor (talking at the GLS) told us that the church workers were allowed to go home early each Friday. That gave them time to pick up their kids from school, go to the doctors, all the stuff that you can do with a couple of extra week day hours. That is great! I think it’s wonderful that they built that into the workplace.

However, when this pastor would drop into the office on a Friday afternoon he would find some people there still working. They were working unpaid overtime.

Now this pastor is a great guy, he really cares for the people that work at his church, he’s a good leader. So he started to show the workers his appreciation. He would go around and give them a fist bump and say ‘Gold star!’

This meant a lot to the workers and their spouses would send him notes to say how much they appreciated the fact that he showed his appreciation. This made him more inclined to say thank you to all the people who were working when they could have been at home.

This situation continued and built up. And now when he heads in on a Friday afternoon he takes a bag full of little gold star toys and hands them out, yelling, ‘Gold star to you! Awesome job! Gold star!’ He showed us a video. The staff were so happy to get these toys. It means a lot to be appreciated.

And it’s lovely that he appreciates his staff. That’s great.

But wouldn’t it be even better if he told them all to get out of the office and go home? Wouldn’t it be great if he enforced the rule of rest, rather than encouraged overwork and overtime?

Insane busyness is a sickness of our age. I feel the church is called to be counter-cultural in this area as in many others. We need to be careful not to add to the busyness of our congregations by adding too many ‘good religious activities’ to their already overcrowded schedules. We need to remind people that it is God that provides our needs, not our work, nor our boss, however that looks from the outside, and that God has directed us to take a day of rest each week.

I have tested this and found that God will help me with my work in the rest of the week if I dedicate a day to resting. No-one has yet died because I took a Sabbath.

Even if you are not a believer, studies have shown that taking a rest will lead to better and more creative work later. And that not resting will lead to less effective and poorer quality work. The universe works on this rule of resting one day in seven.

I’m not sure how you’d do it, but wouldn’t it be wonderful if this man, this pastor, could give the same encouragement that he gives to his overworking staff to his staff when they left the office, went home, built relationships with their families and reached out to their friends and neighbours on a Friday afternoon?

gold star 2

Gold star to you – you played in the park with your kids!

Gold star to you – you read a novel (and therefore increased your empathy for mankind)!

Gold star to you – you stacked the dishwasher and filled the washing machine and gave your wife the couch, the remote, and a glass of wine!

Gold star to you – you invited your neighbour to go watch a movie with you!

A big gold star – you took a nap!

I encourage you to make time to take a rest this week. And if it helps, give yourself a big gold star when you do it.

For more on Eugene Peterson’s ideas on the sabbath, listen to this

Are you missing some of my blog posts? They come out every Monday. Sign up to follow the A Quiet Life blog on WordPress, or you can sign up to my newsletter on www.ruthamos.com.au  and you will receive every post straight to your email inbox. You will also find my podcast, my book ‘My Year of Saying No’, and any short stories or other books will be up there as they come along.

If you would like to support this blog and the podcast then you can head over to Patreon.com/quietlife and help me out for as little as a dollar a month. Thank you so much!